IGNORING THE CALL TO ACTION: MY YOUTUBE ORIGIN STORY
I distinctly remember the moment I had the initial nudge to start my YouTube channel. I had recently discovered the existence of YouTube readings and began a deep dive into the plethora of available content. Everything from monthlies by sign, weeklies by element, daily energy check ins, and of course- the mass quantities of love readings. I had been reading for clients for years at that point, having been taught as a teenager by my mother- a gifted intuitive (and tarot enthusiast) in her own right. So there I would sit, watching readings and marveling at how these readers were able to channel such a large group of people via such specific messages. When they were right, they were dead on! And to their counterpart, were the readers who seemed to be, well…more than a little lost. Fumbling their way through messages, trying to make sense of the cards they were pulling, straining to tie together a cohesive narrative.
I watched both in equal measure. I was entranced and deeply curious. I had only ever read for individuals and truly, I doubted that it was even possible to do otherwise. I wondered more often than not if YouTube readings were the “McDonald’s” of Tarot readings- fast, easy, and for the masses. And obviously, not for me.
And then, I felt this quiet voice rise up within me as I watched. The same voice I heard when I was watching a reading that resonated was the same one I heard when a reading didn’t…this small, insistent voice that said,
“I could do that.”
To which I immediately responded-
“What? No you couldn’t! How ridiculous!”
“Right.” I would then think, relieved that I had successfully squashed such a ridiculous- (and scary!) notion.
So I kept watching, and kept marveling at the good ones, and shaking my head in sympathy at the ones who struggled. All the time staving off that quiet voice that continued to whisper, “I could do that.”
Until, over time, ignoring that voice morphed into my becoming, to put it kindly, a professional critic. “I could do that,” became, “What makes them think that they can do that? Didn’t they even take the time to learn what the cards mean?? Geez…I could do better than that.”
That voice- that “I could do better than that” voice grew into a sort of resentment- initially directed at the readers that I felt weren’t representing the art of tarot reading very well, my “so-called contemporaries” that were, as I saw it through the lens of my own bitterness, “giving tarot readers a bad name.” Then, that same resentment turned inwards towards myself and became, “Why am I such a coward, then? Why, if I think I could do better- am I not doing it??”
So, I did then what I always do when I have a nagging question- I pulled cards about it. And I meditated. And I took walks about it. And talked to friends about it. And got readings about it. I stewed, and stewed, and stewed. And all the while, kept hearing the same message,” Just Do It.”
Those three words: Just Do It. Suddenly even my running shoes were daily reminders of what I knew I needed to do.
It got to the point where I figured that the only thing worse than doing it and failing would be never trying and living with that nagging feeling- that endless voice on a loop-“Just Do It.”
So, at the point where I had exhausted myself over-analyzing the potential worse (and best!) case scenarios, after many sleepless nights and anxious mornings, after billions of crow visitations…I finally surrendered. I called a few of my dearest friends and clients and said, “So I’m going to do this thing…and I would appreciate it if you gave me a follow and a share...”
And the rest is measured not just in the subscriber count, but by the number of people I’ve been able to help, the clients that have become friends, and proving to myself that when I follow my nudges, I win. Every time.
*Image courtesy of Boadicea's Tarot of Earthly Delights by Paula Millet