RESISTING THE QUIET: THE REAL REASON ITS HARD TO MEDITATE

Ah, meditation. That somewhat elusive mecca where self help meets spiritual practice. So often touted as the number one way to achieve inner peace that’s free, easy, and highly effective.

Right…except that its absolutely freaking terrifying. But by all means, let me just sit quietly, allow my mind to go blank, and be completely receptive to whatever wants to come through. Or perhaps I could instead pull out my arm hairs strand by strand! Or chug a gallon of peroxide! Or, you know, literally do anything else but that…

So, why do so few talk about just how difficult/scary/ frustrating meditation can be? Well, its an uncomfortable truth. Somehow, “successful” and frequent meditation has become synonymous with eating your daily greens and getting your 10K steps a day. “Look at me- I woke up at 6am, meditated, took a power run, drank a green juice and then went on to conquer my day!” But here’s the reality- even though meditation DOES in fact raise your serotonin and improves your mental, emotional, and overall health, if every time you meditate, its all rainbows and butterflies, you are not meditating. You are projecting happy images onto the screen of your conscious mind. You are a playing a movie for yourself- written, edited, and directed by you. This coming from yours truly- who in my early days of regular meditation, produced some truly impressive mind fiction.

Actual meditation requires that you allow yourself to sit in a receptive space in the unknown, mysterious landscape of your subconscious. Inevitably, there will be realizations, images, and moments of illumination that are difficult for you to experience and accept. Truly, the purpose of meditation is to connect you with the aspect of yourself that can see clearly in all directions of time & space. To the part of you outside of your waking ego that seeks to control and direct your experience. So the question becomes, do you want guidance that is effective and true, or guidance that stems from what you want to see? Are you willing to surrender your will in order to gain access to what steps will lead you to where you want to go?

This is why so many people report that they have difficulty “turning their thoughts off” in order to meditate. It’s not because meditation requires some sort of illusive skillset, its because the afraid parts of you that are reluctant to relinquish control of the driver’s seat are working overtime to keep your mind from surrendering to the stillness. Its your ego. Your fear. The part of you that wants you to stay exactly where you are- because even though where you are may have room for improvement- it is familiar. And oh, how we do take comfort in the familiar!

I have found that the more I meditate, the easier it becomes. Not because I’m strengthening my meditation skills per se, but because I’m strengthening my willingness to sit in the scary stillness. And as a result, about 50% of the time, I get to experience those rainbow colored feel good messages as well. My insistence on showing up every day is what grants me access to the sugar that helps the medicine go down.

Really, its a question of how worth the effort it is, right? Well, I’ll tell you. In my experience, meditation has quite literally saved my life. It has directed me out of life threatening situations, alerted me to dangerous potentials, and also been my greatest (and sole) comfort during the most difficult and soul breaking times of my life. It is the greatest map and advice column you have access to- and your greatest tool in fully utilizing the superpower that is your intuition.

So, perhaps the only thing scarier than meditating is…not meditating, no?

*Image courtesy of Boadicea’s Tarot of Earthly Delights by Paula Millet

NOTE: I always recommend to those who have difficulty getting started, to begin with training wheels aka guided meditation- its in fact how I carved out the neural pathways that allowed me to meditate for longer, and with the greatest ease. HayHouse Radio has wonderful (and free!) guided meditations. (available on Itunes & Spotify)